I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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