That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
