Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
