dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
