wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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