i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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