i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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