I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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