I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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