once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
