did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
