My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
