Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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