dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
