i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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