this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
