Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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