i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
