:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
