is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Four minutes until I can fart!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
