I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
