sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
