So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
