erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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