im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
