farters have to be the big spoon...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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