she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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