i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
