Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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