How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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