He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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