very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
