Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
do herpes really smell.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
