He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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