I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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