he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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