Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
