i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
