Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
