she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
