he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
