I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
