I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
