my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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