Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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