I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
