TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
