Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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