I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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