im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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