Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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