Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize