I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
