Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
