Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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